I have been the mother of a special needs child for over 20 years. Sam is both the love of my life and the bane of my existence. One of the most important lessons that I have learned over the years is that if I put in some work up-front, parenting is slightly easier during times of stress.
What that means, specifically, is that I have learned to use behavioral rehearsal as one of my key parenting strategies. It doesn't matter whether we are going to Home Depot (always a tricky time), to the park or to a friend's home. I have experienced pitfalls everywhere. What Sam and I do is review the rules and then we practice. For example:
ROBYN: Sam, we are going to go to Home Depot to buy some flowers. We are not going to buy a riding lawn mower. We are not going to buy an air conditioner. We are not going to buy a power saw. Flowers. That's it.
SAM: Can we buy dirt?
ROBYN: Fine Flowers and dirt. That's it. But if you ask me to buy you a new doorbell I'm going to say, "That would be a good birthday present, but not today." I want you to say, "Bummer. Maybe for my birthday" when I say no. Get it, Sam? Let's practice. Ask me to buy you a new doorbell.
SAM: Can I get a new doorbell?
ROBYN: Maybe for your birthday, but not today. Say, "
Bummer", Sam.
SAM: Bummer. But I can get one for my birthday.
ROBYN: Great, Sam. That's exactly what I want you to do if you see something you really, really want. But today we are just buying flowers and dirt.
That type of practice over the years has helped Sam accept no for an answer gracefully. It doesn't always work, But sometimes it does.
Robyn
